Whatcha textin bout Willis?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Randomize
