Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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