How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
