Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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