I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
