Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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