I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
