Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Randomize
