WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
