If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
