It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
