You kept calling me your small dog last night.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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