At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
