omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
