Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
