get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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