you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
