Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
