I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
