Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
