i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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