oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He passed out mid-signature
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
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I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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