Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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