you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
