Betty ford says i'm here all night
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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