i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
