There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
