Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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