My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
