How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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