Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
