i dedicated my morning wood to you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
