Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
