oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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