i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
