Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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