i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
