woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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