So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
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My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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