he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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