Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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