Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just invented taco cereal.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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