Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
