You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
