I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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