you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
