Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
