oh god the rape fog is back!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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