Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
