if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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