dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
