my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
