dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
