Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
