i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
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He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
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Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize