separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
