today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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