I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
